ADHD

I think I have it. If it weren't for the internet, I would get so much more work done. . .
I also get easily distracted by the people around me and it is hard for me to concentrate when I am stressed. Ugh.

Hair

I want to do something drastic to my hair. Should I dye it? Should I get some type of funky perm? Should I just cut it as I normally would after 6-8 weeks?

Hrm. . .

This week has been very difficult. I don't know why but it has and it's been moving way toooooo slowly.

Aaaah!

Where did the holiday weekend go? I can't believe it's Sunday, 5:48 PM right now. It seems like yesterday that it was 1 PM Wednesday.

I Am Sick!

I think I caught a cold. It started off with an itchy throat (last Wednesday) and then it slowly moved to my nose where I became congested and now my nose is super runny. I hope this is the last phase and that it will pass soon. I have been in close contact with a number of people and hope I have not infected them!

Le Sigh

Being an advisor to two clubs initially did not seem like such a big deal. Now that these clubs are in full swing, it is becoming a big deal. I've been up for 13 hours so far and the regular work week consists of 18 hours a day. I am so exhausted at the end of the day and then I have these other commitments throughout the week outside of school. My life is full but there are some days when I wish I had a different job or wish I did not have these commitments. . .

I wish I had more energy and enthusiasm. I feel so drained and tired.

Tea vs. Coffee

So weird. I had two cups of tea and I am so awake. I've had the same amount of coffee and have never felt this awake before. Maybe it's because of what I will be doing tomorrow morning and have the jitters. We'll see.

Balance

I am having a hard time finding balance in my life but hopefully I will get better at juggling all the number of responsibilities I have. . . It's really all about the planning and I suck at it. Practice makes perfect.

Another Oh Why?

I decided to coach and advise the mock trial team at the high school. The school has never done this before and neither have I. I will be attending a workshop this Thursday and am excited but am worried about the time commitment. This year has seriously become the year of so many different commitments! Hopefully I will be able to keep my sanity and do what I need to do. . .

Oh why?

Why am I such a slow worker?? I can't produce on demand. It takes me awhile to write anything, grade anything, plan anything. GAH!!!
Yes, this is old news.

Random

-So for the longest time I had never been kissed (or rather never been kissed on the lips by a boy). I had one serious relationship but did not allow the person to kiss me. I don't think I ever felt completely comfortable with that person for some reason which is why it never happened. Now I am dating someone and have been kissed (first kiss on my birthday!). I really was not sure what to expect and it seemed odd at first, but then the more comfortable you feel with that person, it is really such a sweet way to express one's affections for someone else. Do I sound like I am in middle school or high school? :)

-I am such a slow grader.

One of the Greatest Feelings

When you do not have to do work from 7-12 PM at night, it seriously feels sooooo liberating. I feel like I am on top of the world. A small voice is saying I should use this time to start writing college recommendations. Another voice is saying - SLEEP EARLY!!!

Dun, Dun, Dun

The school year will start on Wednesday!!!!!!
I am a bit wary since all of my classes will be just ninth graders. They were the most needy of all students I taught and they also require teachers to be very creative in how to teach! I am so out of the loop as far as technology is concerned. In retrospect I could have engaged the students by having them do the learning themselves through interactive projects. The hard part is coming up with the ideas for these projects and how to implement the technology needed to accomplish the required goals.

-This past summer I got to sleep quite a bit (which is good). I became quite lazy too. Now it's time to step on the gas.

-I realized that I missed attending church once I started attending more regularly over the summer. I am hoping that I will be able to keep this commitment and not succumb to the Sunday blues, sleep deprivation, and stress.

On Spending

From the editorial, "The Haimish Line" by David Brooks:

"Buy experiences instead of things; buy many small pleasures instead of a few big ones; pay now for things you can look forward to and enjoy later."

I am at a loss what some of those things could be. I think I get the first part - spend where you are experiencing something and or with someone (such as sky diving, a meal at a nice restaurant for a special occasion, going on vacation with family, friends or significant other, etc.). But aren't those things "big pleasures"? What is the difference between big pleasures and small pleasures? Is the thinking more for the affluent - Don't buy that Ferrari, but use that money for experiences and small pleasures? But then what are things that you can look forward to and enjoy later? The experiences? I guess this is all relative (aside from the experience part). I do get the main point which is to spend where you can get that sense of community, "warmth," and memories with cherished people.

Random

-I suffer from severe procrastination, aka laziness. I think this started in college and it has not left. What happened to my hard-working, efficient high school self? Today will be the day to hit the history books and textbooks (I hope) as I have been reading other books and doing online shopping to procrastinate.
-That purple Brooks Brothers dress? I received it yesterday and will have to return it. It is beyond matronly that it left me speechless. I also returned the other Brooks Brothers shirt dress. Actually most items from Brooks Brothers aside from button down shirts and some sweaters are very matronly. Lesson learned. I do have to say that the quality is still very good. Their cashmere sweaters that are made in Scotland are much better than J. Crew cashmere sweaters (made in China).
-I ordered a bunch of stuff from J. Crew since I had a 20% discount and have a feeling some stuff will have to be returned as well. I ordered one pullover sweater, one purple merino wool cardigan, and four dresses (two of which are the same style/color but different sizes; petite sizes usually fit better). I haven't tried on any of the items just yet. As always, we shall see.
*I will keep the purple eden cardigan and the bonnie floral dress. Return the two memo dresses (v-neck is too low and don't feel like wearing a tank top with it) and shimmermist sweater (too heavy and just not flattering). Still waiting for another dress since it's back-ordered. Yay, I've kept two items!

The End of August!

I can't believe that we are nearing the end of August!! What does that mean? School will start soon!! Daylight savings and shorter days!! Where does the time go? Hindsight is always 20/20 but I realize that with all the time I did have, I should have used it wisely since it does not ever come back (duh) but I am always realizing the obvious. I think it is also a reflection of how I value myself too. In a number of ways I don't think I do and I am trying to get out of that rut.

One way I have been doing that is by making a commitment to be more active in my life - socially, physically, and spiritually - and I do see that changing those facets makes a big difference in one's quality of life and therefore better use of one's time! Meeting new people is not that bad or scary! Exercising is good for you and makes you feel better! Spending time with God is necessary!! DUH!! All of these things in turn has helped me emotionally as well. Now I just have to get myself ready mentally though studying/prepping for the upcoming year.

The shopping lists and records still will be posted - I have found it does keep me accountable in however an embarrassing way it makes me look. I haven't bought any clothes recently but my parents did take me on a shopping trip to buy "better clothes" and I must say their taste is so much more different than mine! They're into buying blazers, suit jackets, and very form-fitting dresses. I realize that my style is conservative grandma/little girl preppy. Even a student said to me, "Ms. Random Particulars, you dress like an Asian mom!!" I ignored the comment, because I did not want to engage, but my reply would have been, "I am not here to attract high school students!"

Generally what happens on these trips is that we speed shop and my dad insists that I buy xyz. We buy xyz and then I return at least y and z. This time around, I ended up with two form-fitting dresses which I don't think I will have to return. My brother gave his approval too which reassured me.

Return. . .

I will return the Emerson Made red twill skirt and J. Crew shirtdress. The Emerson Made skirt was too small - I ordered a size 0 and should have ordered a size 2 or maybe even a 4. Also I am wondering what I would wear with the skirt aside from white, black, or blue tops. I don't want to go through the trouble of going to the post office too often so I will just forget about it. I felt the shirtdress was just a very long shirt. The description said it would be a straight cut but I did not realize how unflattering a straight cut can be. I even tried to wear a belt with it and it just does not look good belted (well on me). I also ordered a pair of Trina Turk red pants. Will be returning those too. It would just make sense to go to a mall, right?

All this writing about clothes, it is really showing me how much time and money I've been spending! I peruse through a bunch of these style/clothing blogs and my goodness, I wonder how much time and money those people spend! Then again, they make their money off of their style and blogs.

Sigh . . . of Relief, Actually LOTs of Rambling, Yay!

-Thank God there are 31 days in July and August. There was some interesting way of remembering which months had 31 days ones but I never can recall that mnemonic device.

-At one point, I wrote that I would use this blog as a ledger of what I spend. I haven't been entirely truthful as I left out some purchases I bought at the Gap and Banana Republic, but I returned most of those items except for this:
http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=16814&vid=1&pid=859018&scid=859018002

There was a 30% discount and I am in need of tops that do not require tucking in, therefore the purchase. Actually I am always in search of tops that do not require being tucked in. I never tuck in a shirt unless I am wearing a sweater long enough to cover my upper hip. I love longer cardigans for this reason.

With my time off today, instead of reading about world history and how to make it meaningful, I bought several items:
1. Emersonmade skirt: http://www.emersonmade.com/collections/skirts-dresses/products/pockets-skirt-red-twill
Now I just wrote that I never tuck in anything. This skirt will require tucking in, but since it's high-waisted, I don't foresee it will be a problem and if not, I will just return it.
2. I did indeed buy the Brooks Brothers dress from the last post. It's 92 degrees and I buy a wool dress. I know that's not being a smart shopper because who knows if it will go on sale? But I just find it so hard buying a dress that fits all my criteria that I just decided to buy it since I was still thinking about it.

There's a similar dress in the J. Crew fall lookbook that I am excited about and will probably buy it in two colors if it works.

I realize if something works for you in terms of fashion, you SHOULD ALWAYS buy that item in multiple colors because you never know if they will stop making the item. I made that mistake with the Calypso Pazzi dress. I actually bought it in three colors (a hot pink, vibrant violet, and black, but of course the hot pink one shrank in the wash), but think I should have bought it in at least seven since it came in a really wide range of colors one season. Seven sounds a lot, but these dresses are so comfortable and low maintenance and they look nice dressed up or down. SIGH. I go to ebay every now and then to see if Pazzi is up for grabs, but generally what's available are XS and M sizes. At one point there was a small, but of course it was in this light orange color that few people could pull off (myself not included).

You know what, I sometimes think I am very much like the character, No Face, in the movie, Spirited Away (well as far as how greedy I can get when it comes to material things).

Wondering

Sometimes I wonder if I dress like a woman in her 50s or older. I bought a shirtdress from Brooks Brothers today because I thought it would be good for work. I know I am not supposed to look "hip" when I am at work but this dress just might fall under totally un-hip, um matronly. . . Dunno.

I am even considering this dress: http://www.brooksbrothers.com/IWCatProductPage.process?Merchant_Id=1&Section_Id=489&Product_Id=1553564&Parent_Id=1034&default_color=PURPLE&sort_by=§ioncolor=§ionsize=
I am drawn to the color, the neckline, and that it's a-line.

And all those purchases from J. Crew? I returned them. Haven't received the shirtdress yet so we'll see. . .

New Seasons

With every new season, I am always drawn to buying new clothes. Whatever I have, I don't seem to wear and then there are a few items that I just wear to death. I am starting to question my shopping habits and think more about what I will do with said item if I were to buy it. So far, I've bought two J Crew Lucinda blouses, one pair of red shorts, and and one oxford cloth shirtdress. I also wanted to buy the Nili Lotan boyfriend sweater but that quickly sold out. My justification for these items is that I will be able to wear the shirtdress and two blouses to work and I needed a pair of shorts. Now will I wear these items or will they just stay in my closet or be given away? That is the question.

Inspired

I often tend to get very complacent and blase about life. I attribute this to either not having enough work to do, being lazy, or possibly that I am not 100% satisfied with something. I watched this video just now and after hearing about Choi Sung-Bong's life story and then his amazing voice, I was and still am in awe. What people can accomplish under such adverse circumstances - wow. . . I really have no excuse to whine or complain.

Choi Sung-Bong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BewknNW2b8Y

Random

-I am absolutely in love with the spice cardamom. Oh my goodnesss, what a wonderful spice!! It totally surpasses any spice that I've used in the past for baking.
-I need structure in my life or else I become a total homebody and waste time.
-I am such a night owl. For some odd reason, I do not like working during the day but totally do not mind working at night. It's so bizarre for me to watch television on a week night let alone a weekend!

Writing a Profile

So I have a lot on my mind. I have work-related tasks that I should be working on so that my life will be more relaxing in the future. I should also use the time I have to spend more time with God and actually attend church. Last year was so exhausting that I preferred sleeping in than attending church. And one more other should - I should enter into the world of online dating. Yes, online dating!

The thing with online dating that I am concerned about at the moment is writing the profile. I've looked into eharmony and match.com and wow, some of the examples they give on match.com are quite good! They're not too long, to the point, and at times clever or slightly charming. The thing about me is that I am not charming or flirty at all. I am one of those people who likes to get to the point and just list and perhaps write examples. Not exactly endearing or clever, but oh brother. Writing like that is agonizing but I just want to get on with it! I hate thinking, "Does this sound good or stupid? Oh what should I do?" And then I think and wait and then write more stupid crap. Eharmony's setup is a bit easier to deal with in writing a profile but even then there are people with some well-written, impressive profiles.

Not only is your description important, but of course you need a profile picture. Lately I've been finding that depending on the lighting and my expression, I look completely different in a number of photos. It's a bit alarming and annoying and it's now making me even more self-conscious and wondering what I can do to improve my appearance. I've even gone into watching youtube videos of random women demonstrating how to put on makeup. I have no idea how to apply eye shadow and I do not have double lids. It's a bit more complicated than I thought! The brushes, the different shadows to use, wondering which products are better. . . The time and the money to do this! Ugh!!

I suppose I should look at all of this as a fun foray into meeting new people but does it have to take this much time?

And then I have all these books to read and I've been merely skimming some of them when they really need to be read!

I do apologize for all this whining, but that's all.

Jumpsuits, Rompers, What-have-yous

The items listed above look so cute. But, I imagine that when one has to use the bathroom, they're quite inconvenient to take off! And let's not even imagine the kinds of bathrooms that exist in New York City. I love the idea of wearing one item and not having to worry about anything else. So a dress is one example, but these also fall into that category. How do people wear these things?

Just Realized

I have to write 11 college recommendations for this fall. Writing a recommendation for a good student who actively participates is generally not a problem. But those students who never say anything, do B level work, and are not involved in school activities - that kind of student is harder to write for.

With the class load I have this fall, I will not have to worry about writing recommendations for the following year. (As of now and I write as of now because with scheduling, schedules can completely change the week before school starts - how, I do not know) I will be teaching five sections of 9th grade world history. I taught 9th grade world history last year but the curriculum was different (mainly ancient to medieval). This time around it's the age of exploration to WWI or WWII. I like the way California structures the curriculum and it makes it more manageable for the students to have considerable exposure to modern world history. With the textbook we have, I have a feeling we will be jumping around a lot.

There are pros and cons to this schedule. ONE PREP (vs. three last year but it often felt like four with AP World)!!! BUT, I will be teaching the same thing five times each day (no more block scheduling this year so no rotating periods). Depending on the students in each class, the dynamics will vary greatly and so I am not too worried about being bored. I am worried about how needy 9th graders can be and about setting the right boundaries so I will not become exhausted in addressing all of their needs. Once again, we'll see. . .

Korean Songs

I like listening to Korean songs even though I do not fully understand what they mean. I usually end up looking for the English lyrics after listening to the song. A good number of Korean songs have random English phrases interspersed and that really puzzles me. In some ways, I feel that the English words decrease the quality of the song. Why sing that short phrase in English when you can easily do that in Korean and the majority of the lyrics are in Korean?

One song that I really like at the moment that of course has the random English phrases (I wait for you, I still love you): "Scarecrow" by Jeong Il Wu.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3zuuhRLdkA

Mid-Summer?!

I cannot believe that it's mid-summer already. How fast time flies. . . I should start studying, reading different books, and preparing lessons. Sigh.

Oy Vey!

1. I decided to dye my hair after not doing anything to it for 8 years. I wanted to make it somewhat lighter and so I bought this hair dye: http://www.amazon.com/Palty-Hair-Color-Ganache-COLOR/dp/B001R23U8O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1309451353&sr=8-1
I did not buy it from Amazon, but from a Japanese supermarket. The person's hair on the box is actually lighter than advertised on Amazon. Interestingly enough, I think my hair is now darker due to dyeing my hair!! I am seriously thinking of buying a dark blonde hair dye and leaving it on for 20 minutes just to see what happens. I think I have too much time on my hands and should start reading all the books on my to-do list instead of thinking about this!

2. There is a chipmunk in the garage and it refuses to leave. I am really worried it will die in the garage and make the whole garage smell. Last September, there was a half-eaten chipmunk in front of the doorstep. There were all these flies swarming around it and I originally thought it was dog poop. Some coyote, raccoon, or wild dog must have started eating the poor thing and just left it there!

Ah, back in NJ

So last week I went to Los Angeles and stayed with lovely K. We did so many things during my time there and I had a great time due to her being such a wonderful hostess!

Monday: Pizzeria Mozza for late lunch, Coffee Bean (oh how I miss Coffee Bean - so much better than Starbucks!) for an Earl Grey latte, dinner at Open Sesame. That day was all about the potatoes. For lunch I ordered a pizza with bacon, a fried egg, cheese (forgot what type), and sliced potatoes. It was very good but a bit oily. Since I was so full from lunch for dinner I ordered a fattoush salad with grilled chicken (I generally never order salad as a main course). We ordered a side of their famous pan-fried potatoes. I think you could have rolled me over based on how round I felt! The effect of eating lots of potatoes!

Tuesday: We met J for lunch at Sirinat Thai in San Pedro. I have not eaten really good Thai food (or at least a really good drunken noodle) in a long time so it definitely hit the spot for me. Later that day we went to Abbott Kinney to check out the hipster scene and eat at Jin Patisserie. Such cute cakes, chocolates, and macarons! I ordered a passion fruit/mango cake and K ordered a dark chocolate/berry cake. After that we strolled 3rd St. Promenade and had fun playing around in Sephora. I think I can always entertain myself in Sephora. Afterwards, we met up with D and her family and ate at Rock Sugar. Then we had some more drinks at Obika Mozzarella Bar. Good times.

Wednesday: We went to the Getty Villa in Malibu. That place is so stunning. I was more in awe of the villa itself than the Greek and Roman art. Afterwards we took a break and then headed out downtown to meet C and eat sushi at Sushi Gen. I was surprised how desolate the area became around 11. Apparently the downtown area is still in development and in the past it was even more dangerous!

Thursday: We met up with K's friend H and went to Huntington Gardens/Library/Gallery in Pasadena. What a lovely place set in such a cute city! We then proceeded to the California Science Center to meet up with some of K's college friends. For dinner, we went to Lucques and met up with P and his colleague from work. The food was great and now I already want to try Tavern and AOC.

Friday - it was all about going to the airport. Overall a very full week! Going home was a bit yucky since there was so much traffic due to construction that was taking place on all the major highways around NYC at 11:30 PM!

I originally thought I would have a somewhat restful break once I returned, but then found out from my supervisor that my schedule has changed. Tomorrow I will find out what those changes are!

One more day. . . or rather two

Okay this is my last post (well for a few months) of complaining about work. Tonight will be the last night I will stay up awhile to do work (I hope). Grades are due tomorrow at 9 AM and I have one more batch of essays to grade. Tomorrow we actually review the final exam with them (we never did this in high school, plus it gives them an opportunity to do devious things with it, so I have to be extra vigilant, grrr. . .) The day after is graduation and clean up. I really wonder if I will have the energy to go over 70 multiple choice questions and DBQ analysis with them in a 30 minute period.

Yay!

I foresee I won't be sleeping much tonight or tomorrow night due to all the grading I have to do and how slow I am. I also hate using the computer while I am grading. (I have to since I am grading papers and need to type in stuff to see if anyone plagiarized.) Some districts have the program called Turn It In where students send in their papers to this program and it looks up on the internet for you whether the student plagiarized and where the student did it in his/her paper. Our district does not have the money for it, but there is money for other initiatives. . . Major priorities for the superintendent are technology and using fewer book-based materials. That's a bit hard in an English or social studies class.

*College/Grad School habits die hard. I prefer working at night than during the day. I also procrastinate. Urgh.

Countdown

Two more days of review, four days of finals, and two days of administrative stuff. EIGHT DAYS. And then I will be temporarily free. Temporarily in that I have the summer free of students, but I still will be thinking and preparing for school this coming fall so I will have a life next year.

---____----

Gah! Bloppity bop! Shlop! Flop! Glop! Mop! Schmop! I hate the night before a school week. I originally thought I would just review this week but suddenly changed my mind. I make my life difficult!! Now I want to teach the Reformation! (and whiz through the Renaissance). Not good at teaching art and culture.

Memorial Day Weekend

So glad for having Monday off! Of course this weekend will be about getting sleep, writing finals, thinking of what to review and how to go about it, and grading random things. Oh and errands such as getting a haircut and having a pair of shoes soled. I still have to grade projects that I have been holding off on, but I can only do that in the school building. I have no intention on bringing posters home with me to grade.

Want a way to increase your road rage?
Teach spoiled freshmen boys who have no integrity.
Today was a day where I really wondered how people continue with this profession.

More randomness

Stuff I Want to Watch Once School Finishes
1. The King's Speech
2. Late Blossom (not sure if this is the proper translation)
3. Sunny
4. Best Love (current Hong Sisters drama)
5. 49 Days

And for the what- to- read list, that's too daunting to think about. Most of it will be school-related, though hopefully I will be able to mix it up a bit.

I finally bought a pair of old lady shoes!http://www.sasshoes.com/main/view_styles.php?catid=4&prodid=64
I got them in white. They are quite comfortable.

I also like these: http://www.sasshoes.com/main/comingsoon_detail.php?uid=16
but will wait for now.

I have two very different, wonderful songs stuck in my head:

1. http://www.coldmailman.com/
"Pull yourself together and fall in love with me"

2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw
Adele - "Rolling in the Deep"

Saturdays are always full of promise. I have a long to-do-list and hopefully will get some stuff done.

The weather really affects me. Today it's really sunny and I feel so optimistic. (The past six days it's been raining on and off.)

More investigation

So I inquired how long teachers review and apparently they do not do that much review. I might just be able to continue with more material (yes that makes me feel better in some ways). Teachers are already making their finals though so I am wondering how they work in material that they are currently teaching.

Wowzers

-Two more teaching weeks left, one week of review, four days of finals, and two half days, yikes!! The weeks move by so fast and yet so slowly; I can't explain it.
-AP World was taken last Thursday. It's video time and then they will work on final projects. I chose the movie, Lagaan, but some students don't like it because there's not enough action and the plot moves slowly. There will always be students who have to complain!
-It looks like I will be working on writing finals Memorial Day weekend. . . oh and there's one student who will be leaving for India the 27th, so she will be taking a final early. Another final to write up. . .

J. Crew

I think I am a J. Crew addict. Most of my clothes are from J. Crew. They make such practical work clothes. Ann Taylor also makes good work clothes - just wish there were more interesting prints and color selections.

The Month of May

There are three teaching weeks left in the month of May, then a week of review for finals in June, then four days of finals, and then three (or two) half days. It sounds like it will go quickly, right? We'll see. I hate Mondays.

Shoes

Finding comfortable shoes that don't look too dowdy is hard. I've been wearing Cole Haan penny loafers all year and while they are comfortable in the beginning of the day, they are not that great towards the end of the day and my feet swell up. As it gets warmer, I don't think I will be wearing those shoes anymore and will move on to sandals (hopefully I will be able to get away with wearing open-toed shoes). I have a a pair of Aerosole sandals that are not bad. I am on the lookout for another pair.

I just bought and received a pair of J Crew sandals in sandstone: http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/shoes/flatsandals/PRDOVR~45434/45434.jsp
They are okay as far as walking around the city and sitting down every now and then. I don't think they will hold up for school though.

I am looking at these and they appeal to me and look comfortable:
http://www.sasshoes.com/main/view_styles.php?catid=4&prodid=85
I like the wine color since I have way too many black shoes. Plus the J Crew ones have two annoying buckles, this has only one.

Not too comfortable, but so cute:
http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/shoes/wedges/PRDOVR~43554/43554.jsp
I think the bright yellow would be a nice change.

Summer

My mind is already drifting in thinking about the summer.

I intend on visiting a number of places:
1. LA
2. Baltimore
3. Cambridge (?)
4. Dallas (?)

I intend on dragging my brother with me to go to some concerts.

I have scratched out a Europe trip since I have no time to plan one (and yet I am here typing this).
I haven't completely scratched out going to Korea, but the chance of going is low.
I have a lot of work to do over the summer if I want the second year of teaching to go somewhat smoothly and have a normal life.

Yay

Yay for income tax returns!

Random

Around this time, I think about what happened two years ago (which of course happened in early May.) I think every year I will always reflect about that time. In a number of ways, I really could not have asked for a better place to have been in and for that I am and will always be grateful. I shudder to think if I were still in NJ what would have happened in addition to the fact that before attending school I did not have insurance.

The warm weather and the change in the smell of the air also influence in bringing about these thoughts and memories. The events that took place before the discovery (also the incredibly hot weather that occurred around that time - it was so hot that at 9:30 PM I deliberately had to go outside and persuaded K to take a walk with me), what happened afterwards, my laziness, moving back to NJ. Sigh.

Edit: I was just reading an old blog and realized that the date was May 5th. Cinco de Mayo, Children's Day, my dad's birthday.

Scents

It's amazing how powerful scents are in bringing back memories. I recently bought a bottle of L'Eau d'Issey since I haven't worn it for awhile, missed it, and wanted to smell it again. Upon spraying it, I was brought back to college immediately - memories of getting ready to go to dances and church (I only wore perfume on days I dressed up and back then I dressed up for church.). It still remains on this shirt I've been wearing at home, so throughout today I've been taking sniffs and getting all nostalgic. I've been branching out with other perfumes but I still have not come across a perfume that has the same hold over me as this one. Memories associated with the perfume itself (not the smell) might play a role in this. It was the first "real" perfume I ever owned. It was a gift my mother bought for me after graduating from high school. It made me feel "grown-up." Another perfume I associate with college is Tommy Girl. The only reason it comes to mind is that I spilled a whole sample of it on my sneakers and even after three washes in the machine, the scent remained. Whenever I wore those sneakers (which was often), I would smell that perfume.

I can't believe it's been ten years since college. Ten whole years have gone by and there are some aspects of college that seem just like yesterday and then other aspects that feel so long ago. I do not intend on attending my college reunion since I do not know too many friends going, will have lots of work to do, and am just awkward in situations where I do not know many people.

I do not know where this post is going. I guess I could write about more memories that different scents bring up. Right now I do not have the time to do that. All I can say is that I am thankful for having a strong sense of smell. Without it, I would not be able to enjoy food or be brought back to all sorts of memories.

A Revelation

I think I understand why I've felt this need to buy things. It's the feeling of "I deserve this! I never see anyone and am not enjoying my life, so I should be justified in shopping online - it's one pleasure that is at my finger tips since I have to use the internet anyway."
The more I think about it though, the more that justification just seems stupid. I've also been browsing way too many style blogs and that makes me feel compelled all the more to look cool and put together (in addition to other pressures). Sigh.
Complain, complain.

Three-Day Weekend

Yes, it is sad, but I am looking forward to the three-day weekend. I will probably stay up on Thursday to do work though. I have to go through let's see, 26 + 22+ 29+ 29 DBQs in addition to regular planning, studying, grading, emailing parents, etc. Ugh. Yes the type you see on an AP exam.
You know what is also sad? It was a "light week" and I am sooo tired. . .

Starting Now

I have to stop spending money. It's crazy how hard it is to save money.

Gah

-I hate Sundays!!
-Where did my week go?
-Weekends are necessary for recovery.

Bittersweet

This break has been bittersweet. I've gotten some stuff done, but not enough. I might have to start sleeping less starting tonight :(

Instead of grading, I chose to read the children's book, When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead and absolutely loved it. I couldn't stop reading it. Before break I also took out The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but that will have to wait for another time.

So far this break I've gotten a massage, slept lots, graded some tests, seen some friends in NYC and NJ, saw different doctors, ran errands, cleaned and organized my room, ordered more stuff (sigh), and took naps whenever I felt like it. Not so bad, but I do feel guilty about the huge pile of work before me. I just look at it, get all stressed out and then don't do it. Well tonight is about as good as any time to start!

Spring Break

Lots on my plate for spring break:
1. Clean and organize my room
2. Clean and organize my "office space" - it's madness with piles of papers everywhere (all to be graded and given back for the third quarter)
3. Study the remainder of unit 4, study unit 5, and come up with ideas for review of 10,000 years of history
4. Plan for next week so I do not start next week sleep-deprived - C week = hell
5. See friends
6. Go shopping in actual stores
7. Read for pleasure??

le sigh

I seriously waste so much time on the internet - either to read blogs, learn about new recipes, read about other people's lives, the news, editorials, stylish people, shopping etc.
Web sites that I have come to frequent:

1. Yoox.com
2. Net-a-porter.com
3. shopbop.com
4. jcrew.com
5. seriouseats.com
6. barneys.com
7. saks.com
8. revolveclothing.com

So I've recently bought a purple trench coat, a navy blue cardigan, a white drapey tank top, and white jeans (I don't have a pair). I am actually happy with all four purchases (surprise, surprise - I usually end up returning most stuff I buy online).
-I am now on the lookout for a pair of wedges that look stylish and comfortable. Most cork wedges are very comfortable, but they tend to look too casual. Those that look just about right are way too overpriced.
-Versatile dresses are also on the list
-I am also fancying this Marc Jacobs scarf. http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/109322
It's the perfect red shade, but I wonder if $250 is worth it for a cotton scarf.

Plans

-possible Euro trip in the summer?
-possible Korea trip in the summer?
-concerts! Must load up on some. . .
-possible LA trip?
-possible Dallas trip?

Can't wait for the summer. . . Sigh.
And spring break is only a few days away. . .Oh how tired am I. . .

In the Home Stretch

Ah! Just one more day and one more week of school before spring break!!!
I am already thinking about what I will be doing this weekend: writing a test on Ancient Rome, writing a unit test on 8 chapters for AP World, grading, meeting friends for dinner, and hanging out with my brother. Oh and yes going to the post office and getting five cavities taken care of, getting teeth guards to prevent my teeth from grinding, and further investigation of bone accumulation in my upper left jaw.
Hopefully it will be a productive weekend.

This Weekend

It's all about the grading. Seriously. Major, major grading.

Ha! Another Rainy Day

-Yes, it's a rainy day today. Today felt like Friday even though it was Thursday. Oh how I wish it were Friday. . .
I just want to get tomorrow over with. Most classes we'll either do review, take a test, or watch a movie (that's what happens with five classes that are each one hour. I have no energy to go beyond that unless it's necessary. And of course, I often end up doing a lot of yelling.
-I think I caught something from one of my students (he had bronchitis and likes to talk very close, ugh!).
-Time to do some grading.

Rainy Day

-It's a rainy day today and I don't feel like doing anything today even though I have school tomorrow. I outlined what I'll be doing this week and it doesn't look that bad. What is bad is how far behind I am with grading. I am so slow and so unmotivated.
-I certainly do whine a lot on this blog but it's my main source of venting since I don't like complaining at work or to my family (with the exception of my brother of course).
-So funny, I said to my mom, "Isn't it supposed to rain in April? Why are we having so much rain in March?" and she replied, "You can control the students, but you cannot control the weather!"
-I am currently reading about Russia from the time it became independent from the Mongols up to the 1700s. I am starting to wonder that we may be falling behind (three days taken out due to the high school musical/debate when we could have been doing work). Uh oh. I want to have at least two weeks of review for the AP exam. We've covered 28 chapters so far and have 12 more to go. I am starting to jump to a different textbook because I do not like the Bentley textbook for the third through fifth units. blahblahblah.
-It's a rainy, rainy day. It's raining outside and I can't go out and play. Why does it have to rain anyway?

Hmm. . .

So far this week has not been too bad, but it hasn't been great either (I have to proctor for state testing and that takes out my prep time!). I am worried about next week. I know it going to be hard and I should do all that I can to prepare for it so I won't be overwhelmed or die (kind of like when you know that a terrible blizzard or hurricane/tornado is coming). The sad thing is that I don't want to prepare for it! I just want to do nothing and not do anything work-related at home once I leave school.
I think a part of me is starting to experience burn-out and some bitterness. I really wonder how people get used to this profession even as years pass due to the workload (among other things). Sure one's mastery of the subject improves, one does not have to prepare new materials for a subject if it's already been taught, but then if you're told to teach new subjects each year, it gets disheartening.
Kids these days are also sooo spoiled and they are so distracted with their smartphones. I think if I grew up in this time under the conditions my family was in, I probably would not have owned a phone even (which is a plus I think as a teenager). They expect everything to be given to them (or maybe it's just the 9th grade students that I have who are known for being you know whats in the school. Apparently the current 6th grade is just as bad if not worse). I am wondering as years pass if it will get harder to manage students' behavior the more technology gets thrown at them.

I am realizing I sound so repetitive!!

B Week

-So it's Sunday once again. Imminent dread? Check. Well, I don't feel so bad as far as the material is concerned.
I have some book keeping and grading to do and I am behind. That certainly adds to the dread plus how inefficient I am at it. The papers keep on coming and are piling up.
-I have absolutely no day off in March which will mean that I will either take a personal or sick day off. Maybe even two since it's a particularly long month. Urgh.
-I am second-guessing myself doing this teaching gig. Is it for me? We'll see at the end of the year and what I may be teaching next year. . .
-Seriously, I am always bringing home work and doing work on the weekends. It never ends. It's virtually impossible not to bring work home. This past weekend I failed to do any grading and I will pay for it.
-Parent contact is also time-consuming - letting them know students have missing assignments or are behaving badly. Honestly having everything on the website, telling the students in class and then this?
-It's B week and it should be a lighter week since the juniors will be taking the HSPA test. I am greedy though and am looking for as much time possible to grade and prepare!
-Next week should be interesting and hellish since it's a C week.
-D week is not a favorite either since I have lunch duty, aka, time for me to yell at students to throw away their garbage (we do not have lunch aides nor do we have anyone who is in charge of book keeping or photocopying). Really? You expected your maid or mom to come and do that for you?

Random

-This past Sunday was the first time I attended church since Christmas Eve. During worship, I immediately felt overwhelmed and surprised at how much I missed God that I started to cry. I couldn't stop crying. I do not understand why I get so emotional. At times it is embarrassing. I wonder when I will attend again. Perhaps in April when I have a spring break? Sad, sad.
-Even though I had two days off (this past Monday and Tuesday), the feeling has returned. I can't explain it. To put it into words, the closest description would be a combination of panic and dread mixed together. It's always inevitable even though I know what will occur. Tomorrow will be a wash of a day, but hopefully interesting since we're focusing on current events.
-This week will be a shorter week and I am grateful for that. Thursday will be hellish and Friday will be bearable.
-Having internet on my computer and phone has made me ADHD.

Returns!

You would think that with my rate of returning items to stores, I would be deterred from wanting to shop more online. Based on my track record, that is just not the case.

Recent Return #1:

http://www.katespade.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11119638&cp=1872494.3343896

My justification was that this dress looked classic, the shade looked cool (different from my usual black, purple, grey or blue) and the price was not bad since it was on sale. I get it in the mail and the fit was just terrible. The color did not complement my complexion.

Recent Return #2:

http://www.emersonmade.com/collections/skirts-dresses/products/dragonfly-market-dress

I was soooo excited for this dress. When I received the package, I could not wait to try the dress on. Unfortunately, the color is not as bright as in the photos. I thought it looked like a more dismal teal. The size fit great but the material was rough and again the color. I think what drew me to this dress was how "fresh" it looked.

Recent Return #3:

http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/shirtstops/blouses/PRDOVR~35470/35470.jsp

Another item that I was really excited about. The color looked awesome and classic. Plus, I liked the "blousy" effect. I get it and the fit was just off. The stitching around the shoulders looked weird or maybe it is because my shoulders are on the broader side? If I had bought a larger size, I think I would have looked like I was swimming in it.

Recent Return #4:

http://www.smythson.com/SmythsonSite/product/Ladies%20Leather%20Goods_Purses/NBLUE-1006534.htm

I should not blame my parents, but the idea of getting a high-priced wallet was placed in my head by my parents. According to them, my wallets look "shabby." So what do they do? My mom takes me to Louis Vuitton to get a wallet. I get the shiny cherry continental wallet - the Sarah Wallet. Once we return home, my dad looks at it and says, "This will not do. Things can easily fall out of it. Return it. So my mother returns it. The same trip we got the Sarah wallet, she bought a grey Zippy wallet (no longer in season). She makes the decision that I should keep the grey Zippy wallet and then proceeds to buy a different wallet. It turns out I don't like grey and that wallet gets returned as well.
I go on a search for the perfect wallet. Criteria? Metal zippers, sturdy leather that does not easily scratch, not too much branding, reasonable price. What do I find? The Smythson wallet. What do I NOT do? Read the dimensions of the wallet!
Upon receiving the wallet, I find that the wallet is too small to my liking. I have to return it. I also get charged a duty fee for the wallet. It would have been nice if they advertised duty charges in a more obvious way!

Recent Return #5:

http://www.mzwallace.com/mzwshop/product.php?products_id=962&osCsid=pva4r4pi1r3tncolvkl3ciak51

I don't know what possessed me to buy this, but I thought it was sooo cute. I thought it would be a convenient pouch to have in a bag that does not have many pockets. Once my mom saw this, she immediately told me I had to return it. Her words,"It looks junky."
I bought another wallet from this company because I love how practical it is and the copper makes it look all the more unique:
http://www.mzwallace.com/mzwshop/product.php?products_id=1243&osCsid=pva4r4pi1r3tncolvkl3ciak51
Not only does it hold a lot, it is also light. Then again, since it does not have name brands emblazoned on it, it does not work for some people -__-

Recent Return #6:

http://www.jwhulmeco.com/Accessories-Pouch-p/40014.htm

JW Hulme has been getting more press lately. Some of their products are now being sold at Barneys, La Garconne, and Steven Alan. I came upon this brand through the cute blog, www.iwanttobeher.com
On that blog, you can see drawings or pictures of real people and find out how to get their look. One of the drawings had a picture of a girl with a really cute bag from JW Hulme. I went to the website just to look and since I already have enough bags, I ended up buying an accessories pouch. I was in a pouch/wallet shopping mood. Once my mom saw this, she made me return it saying that it was way too bulky to carry around and that no one travels with that kind of bag.
I have a hunch that I will return to JW Hulme at some other point since they make such well-made bags and they are made in the USA!

I hope I won't have to return anything for a while. Stay tuned. . .

A "Fast"

I am going to try to stop buying items online so I can save money and most importantly save time. I see online shopping as a legitimate means to purchase goods that I would not otherwise be able to buy since I do not drive anywhere other than school. At the same time, the amount of time I use to browse could actually be used for other tasks at hand. Also, I purchase a number of items that I do not really need. We'll see how this goes.
For now, I will post what I've bought as a way to keep me accountable. It will be a shopping ledger so to speak though my online credit card statement certainly serves that purpose too.

Another Week

-This past week was interesting. I am trying to teach differently, in a way where I am less involved and not spoiling the students. I've spoiled the freshmen a great deal and now that I am making them do groupwork and am holding them accountable to the work that they do in their groups, they're acting up and are saying that I am not doing my job. Well, actually not all of them, but one particular class and most of the class is composed of students who do not want to work and are passive learners. As a new teacher in a school, one wants to avoid any confrontations with parents and the administration. I've had some close calls where these spoiled children go to the guidance department to complain that I am not doing my job. Of course, these students are the ones who never hand in their homework, do not pay attention in class and do not care about school in general.

-I think I made a student cry this past Friday. It all started when I asked that student to move to a different seat to act as a "buffer" near someone who is extremely talkative. I've noticed that when studious children sit next to the talkative ones, the talkative ones are more focused and act out less. With that in mind, I did just that. And it wasn't the first time I asked this student to move. Then again, I've asked other students to move too. On this occasion, she was very adamant that she did not want to move and that I always ask her to move. I was quite taken aback by her tone and attitude and reprimanded her quietly while other students were doing work. She came after school and wanted to apologize for how she behaved and then she asked why I always asked her to move. When I explained to her my reasons and that I thought she was a wonderful student, she started to cry and then explained to me why she did not want to move. I realize that I cannot let her sit in the back since she can't see the board since she refuses to wear glasses. I am assuming she was taunted at some point in her life about her glasses. There is something else amiss since she was very emotional about the seat issue and was sobbing. I am still wondering what it could be. I certainly do want to change the seating arrangement still. . .

-High school students can be such overt charmers, particularly when it comes to the end of the marking period and grades are due. Most of these charmers of course are the male students! I wonder where they learn such behavior.

Seriously?

Yes, another time to bitch and rant.
I plan for every lesson, but when I get observed, I get even more OCD. Sometimes lesson planning can be fun and other times it's a painful, hair-pulling, wrenching process. Right now I am going through that for a lesson that I am not even sure what kind of content I want to cover. There are certain criteria that I've been told to look out for, but at this point, I might have to discard some of it just to keep my sanity. This is on top of the regular workload which I don't want to think about. I am already thinking about the end of this month, just to mark it as the end. I won't have break until President's Day in February and that's only two days, but two days certainly make a difference.

So glad for the snow day today. I have become an expert at doing nothing for many hours. The internet is a necessity but it is also the bane of my existence. Now I am starting to do work at 4:46 PM. Essays to read and grade. Lessons to plan. Projects to plan. Parent emails to send. The fun never ends.

Snow Day?

This is horrible, but I am hoping for a snow day this week. Last Friday most schools in the area were closed or had half days except for three or four schools (one of which is where I teach!). While I hate snow, sometimes having a day off is necessary.